The Skywalker Family Chat
by Christine82
Summary: My Ex-Boyfriend and me were discussing Star Wars and somehow it ended with us talking about Group Chats of the different Star Wars Characters. So this is the Skywalker Family Chat :-). Enjoy! And don't be too harch, English is not my first language and this is the first story I ever wrote in this language.
1. Chapter 1

**Diclaimer: None of the Characters or anything else of the Star-Wars-Universe belongs to me, they belong to Disney. I am not making money with this.**

 **Darth Vader adds Leia Organa and Luke Skywalker to Group Family Reunion**

Luke: WTF?

Leia O.: Oh please... no **rolls eyes** Dad! We told you, we don't want to talk to you!

Darth Vader: You will change your mind. The Dark Side of the Force is our haven. Together we can rule the Galaxy.

Luke: We don't want to rule the Galaxy. And we don't want to be part of that stupid group.

Darth Vader: The Dark Side of the Force will give you strength you cannot imagine.

 **Luke Skywalker has left the Group**

 **Darth Vader adds Luke Skywalker to the Group**

Luke: You cannot force us!

Leia: But he will try anyway...

Luke: Yeah, now I know where you have that dominant strike from.

Leia: Please what?!

Han: He is right about that.

Leia: Who added you to this Group?

Darth Vader: Sorry, I mixed up the Numbers. I wanted to add your uncle and your aunt.

Han: What does that mean? Am I know the bad behaving relative nobody wants to be in a Chat-Group with?

Darth Vader: Yes.

Leia: Darth Vader This is rich of you Dad!

Han: Well, I don't care about being here neither.

 **Han Solo leaves the Group**

 **Leia adds Han Solo to the Group**

Leia: You ARE part of the Family, you ARE staying

Han: Didn't you plan to leave the Group yourself five minutes ago?

Darth Vader: Typical Teenage-Behaviour... She will grow out of it and turn to the Dark Side

Luke: She will not!

Leia: Shut up! I can speak up for myself!

Luke: Oh, Mummys girl is speaking

Leia: MUMMYS GIRL?!

Luke: You were the one growing up in a Palace, Miss Princess!

Leia: So what? That was pure luck!

Darth Vader: Finally! The Dark Side is speaking to my children. Soon we will united in the Force and take Power from the Emperor!

Leia: Shut up!

Luke: Shut up!

 **Han Solo adds the Emperor to the Group**

Emperor: What is going on here?

Darth Vader: I can explain everything!

Emperor: I expect my student to try to kill me and gain more power. But your time has not come yet. I want to talk to you. NOW! In my office! And delete this Group!


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: The Star Wars Universe does not belong to me, I am not making any money with this.**

 **How** **to** **kill** **your** **familys nerves**

Darth Vader: How to kill your Sith Master

Luke: WTF?

Darth Vader: Ways to kill an allmighty Emperor

Leia: What the hell is going on here?

Darth Vader: How to become the ruler of the Galaxy

Luke: Leia: He mixed it up again **rolls eyes**

Darth Vader: What...? How can you answer to what I am writing? I am surfing incognito, so nobody knows what I am looking for!

Luke: Dad, you are not using a search engine – you are using our Family Chat

Leia: The Chat nobody of us wants to be part off...

Darth Vader: Does that mean you read what I am writing?

Luke: YES!

Leia: YES!

Han: It is Popcorn Time!

Leia: Han You are not helping here...

Han: Leia Oh come on! It is always fun when you try to explain the difference between a Chatroom and a search engine to the old Villain. This is what? The fifth time now? You should never let a bunch of spare parts use the Internet in the first place.

Darth Vader: How to kill your son-in-law without your daughter realizing

Leia: DAD!

Darth Vader: Oh Fuck!


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Star Wars belongs to Disney. I am not making money with this.

 **The one with Han Solo and Darth Vader**

Darth Vader: Luke?

Darth Vader: Leia?

Darth Vader: LUKE!

Darth Vader: LEIA!

Darth Vader: Is anybody there?

Han: NO!

Darth Vader: Where are Luke and Leia? Why aren't they answering? And why are you still member of this chat?

Han: They are busy. And so am I. And now go away and play with somebody else.

Darth Vader: I want to speak with my kids.

Han: They are busy.

Darth Vader: What are they busy with? What can be more important than their father?

Han: They are... Oh wait! One moment! Nice trick!

Darth Vader: What?

Han: You were trying to find out what the Resistance is planning by asking me what Leia and Luke are doing. But I won't tell you! I am not that dumb!

Darth Vader: You are that dumb. And I have no idea what my daughter sees in you. But I just want to talk to my children.

Han: Why?

Han: And I am not dumb. **gggg**

Darth Vader: I just want to talk with them.

Han: You are Darth Vader. You don't do „just talking".

Darth Vader: Can't I just talk with my kids?

Han: NO! They are busy! And I am too! Over and out!

Darth Vader: What can you possibly be busy with? Cleaning up that garbage can that you call ship?

Han: My ship doesn't need to be cleaned up, old man!

Darth Vader: If you keep telling yourself that, you might believe it one day.

Han: And that from you...

Darth Vader: What do you mean?

Han: Oh nothing! And I have to go now, too.

Darth Vader: Where are you going? And at what time are the kids back?

Han: I will pick up some... Oh no! You... Why don't you just shut up and go and conquer some helpless planet for heavens sake?

Han: Are you still there?

Han: Hello?

Han: Darth Vader?

Han: Oh oh... I better delete this chat before Leia sees it...

 **The end**


	4. Chapter 4

**Darth** **Vader:** The Force will be strong in this one. I can allready feel it. My congratulations, Leia. Well done.

 **Han** **Solo:** WTF?

 **Leia:** Dad? What is going on here?

 **Darth** **Vader:** The Force sent me a vision of the future. I can allready feel it becoming reality.

 **Han Solo:** Leia, what the hell is your old man talking about?

 **Leia:** I have no idea. We should ask Luke.

 **Luke:** Yeah, of course. Let us ask Luke, let us ask my funny brother, the one without a life on it's own. He knows how lonely man feel and can explain for sure what is going on in our crazy dads mind.

 **Leia:** Oh, Luke, please! Just because that Twi'lek Girl broke up with you the other day! It ain't the end of the world!

 **Luke:** Says the one who is happily married ever after.

 **Han Solo:** That calls for a boys night out.

 **Leia:** Han!

 **Darth** **Vader** _:_ You dare to leave my daughter alone and go for drinks and whores while she is pregnant?! Oh just wait, till I get close enough to you!

 **Luke:** Pregnant?

 **Han** **Solo:** Oh, please! At least I am not leaving her for ending the Republic, killing the Jedi and kissing the feed of a fucked up Sith-Lord.

 **Luke:** Pregnant?

 **Han** **Solo:** One moment! How does he even know? Leia? I thought we agreed, that the old man is not supposed to know!

 **Leia:** I didn't tell him anything about the Baby!

 **Luke:** You are pregnant Leia?

 **Darth** **Vader:** I saw my grandson in a vision. The Force will be strong in him.

 **Han** **Solo:** Okay, you are not going to babysit him ever.

 **Luke:** HELLO?

 **Leia:** Yes, Luke, I am pregnant. We were just waiting for the right moment to tell you.

 **Luke:** And when would that be? When the kid is able to handle a lightsaber?

 **Leia:** Don't be ridicoulous! But you where so fussed up because of your break-up that it just didn't seem right.

 **Darth** **Vader:** Ahhhh... I can feel you being scared and angry, my son! That is the first step towards the Dark Side of the Force.

 **Han** **Solo:** Okay, that is it! I kick you out of this Family Chat room!


	5. Chapter 5

**Dislaimer: Star Wars doesn't belong to me.**

 **For everybody who doesn't know the fantastic Star Wars Video made by the Police of Bern here is the link to it: watch?v=2BmhHyyzh9o**

 **New Years Resolutions**

Leai: Hey everybody! How are your New Years Resolutions going?

 **Silence**

 **Silence**

 **Silence**

Leia: Guys, I know you have been reading this...

Han Solo: Oh sweetie... It is only the 5th. You cannot really expect me to start working on that allready! I have the whole Year for that!

Luke: I have allready fulfilled half of my Resolutions :-).

Han Solo: Really? And what would that be? Meditating since Christmas?

 **Silence**

Han Solo: Oh my...

Leia: Dad? What about you?

 **Silence**

Leia: Dad? Daaaad?

Darth Vader: Yes, Princess. Everything is fine, Princess. Great in fact.

Leia: Dad?! What is going on?

Darth Vader: Nothing.

Leia: DAD!

Darth Vader: Well... ahm... eh... It might be possible that I broke my New Years Resolution.

Han Solo: Do I wanne know?

Leia: Han, shut up. Dad, what New Years Resolution are you referring to? The one with the healthier food? Or the one with the "I am not going to kill any people anymore"?

 **Silence**

Leia: DAAAAAAD!


End file.
